speed of time

So right now i am in the computer lab . What a joke .. ha . I am already done with everything i am suppose to be doing . Speedy Gonzales over here . Well i decided i would write since i havent wrote in my blog in a long time . You know time flies . Its so sad we actually do live to die . I was sitting thinking , i been alive for 17 years . How many more years am i going to hold on to my life ?? What does it have in store . Theres a saying i read the other day and it say . 'Live life to the fullest , no one makes it our alive .' One moment your there the next your gone . Its weird how it works like that . The earth still moves when you are gone , time goes on , and soon your name will be forgotten . Its the sad truth of the matter . Time doesnt stop just because your not on the ride . You are of NO importance . It scares me . Death scares me . Being gone scares me . I look at my mom and i dont know how i am going to handle the moment she leaves earth . How do i handle that she is my mother ? She is my last parent left . I think she is tryin to prepare us for it . Every week she reminds me that the insurance papers are in the file cabinet . She writes us monthly letters and hides them and we are not to read them until she is dead . Is this a sign that she is going to be leaving soon . She laughs at the thought of death . She tries to make it funny and she tells us everyone encounters it . She wants us to accept it . But does anyone ever truly accept it ? Is she trying to hint a something to us ? My mom said that the ones who die know that they are going to die soon . They arent completely blinded and taken by suprise . Unless it was a murder . She says it is instinct like animals have . They hide when they are about to die . She said humans are the same . With time old things die , new things are created .