speed of time

So right now i am in the computer lab . What a joke .. ha . I am already done with everything i am suppose to be doing . Speedy Gonzales over here . Well i decided i would write since i havent wrote in my blog in a long time . You know time flies . Its so sad we actually do live to die . I was sitting thinking , i been alive for 17 years . How many more years am i going to hold on to my life ?? What does it have in store . Theres a saying i read the other day and it say . 'Live life to the fullest , no one makes it our alive .' One moment your there the next your gone . Its weird how it works like that . The earth still moves when you are gone , time goes on , and soon your name will be forgotten . Its the sad truth of the matter . Time doesnt stop just because your not on the ride . You are of NO importance . It scares me . Death scares me . Being gone scares me . I look at my mom and i dont know how i am going to handle the moment she leaves earth . How do i handle that she is my mother ? She is my last parent left . I think she is tryin to prepare us for it . Every week she reminds me that the insurance papers are in the file cabinet . She writes us monthly letters and hides them and we are not to read them until she is dead . Is this a sign that she is going to be leaving soon . She laughs at the thought of death . She tries to make it funny and she tells us everyone encounters it . She wants us to accept it . But does anyone ever truly accept it ? Is she trying to hint a something to us ? My mom said that the ones who die know that they are going to die soon . They arent completely blinded and taken by suprise . Unless it was a murder . She says it is instinct like animals have . They hide when they are about to die . She said humans are the same . With time old things die , new things are created .

I guess its over

I guess its over ... Maybe its my fault but my mom told me that 'if you let it go and it never comes back , it was never yours . But if it comes back then it belongs to you .' We had been together for 3 years and yes they were amazing years . I love him with all my heart i guess i never will just STOP loving him . Thats a long time to be with someone . I feel a bit foolish ... maybe i am a bit foolish , its just he was not understanding me . AM I MAKING A MISTAKE ?? He convinced that i got another guy in the picture but that is not the case at all :( ! I just hate the wait , i just hate being alone , he is not even here . His mom hates me . How will it ever work ?? DANG i am so stupid i guess thats what i get for letting me heart win . I never felt so sad . I feel empty being with him but i feel torn when he is gone . What the heck is that suppose to mean ?? Maybe i will find a man who loves me flaws and all and doesnt expect me to change every 2 seconds . I laugh out of nervousness , what kind of women laughs at stuff when she is nervous ?? Seriously i would like to meet her so i dont feel like the only idoit on the face of the planet ! What would i say to him if he was here ... i have no clue . I probably just cry ... lol ... i know HOW PATHETIC . Maybe i am too hard on myself . UGH i hate this . I just want to sleep . I wish he could just be here . I dont even know how it feels to kiss him ! I want to go crazy i want to be rebellious . WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?? i just want to have fun ... but what if i lose him ? Would i be able to sit and tell my self it was worth it ??

I miss my friends

Last year I use to hang out with alot of seniors . They had cars and I was always out and about ! I use to have so much fun . I guess things really do happen for a reason they graduated and one is now pregnant and has no time for me (totally understandable) and the other , well we are not friends any more (miss her friendship) . Maybe my mom was right , although I would rather say she is wrong . She told me befriending seniors would be fun while they were at school but then they would graduate then leave me alone . I don't really have a problem making friends it was just friends like them were hard to find , and now I am stuck trying to find someone with a sense of humor or who loves the things I love . I can not wait to graduate and get out of El Paso . I need a new adventure and I need it now .

My best friend Stephanie is currently 4 months pregnant . I mean I am excited but she is so young she is 18 and still needs to get her life on track ! I am no one to say anything . I love her and maybe this may help her grow up ! Just makes me think back to alot of things . No one truly has no clue what kind of things teenagers go through unless they are one . 1 out of 10 girls in my school are pregnant . That may not sound bad now but we have over 2,000 girls in my school ! Now-a-days drugs are no longer the ONLY problem , getting pregnant is now a peer pressure . Which has affected 8 of my friends . People don't think its a big problem but it is !!!

Getting to know Lucy

My name is Luz (meaning light) , my father named me after my mother because he was madly in love with her , well thats the way I like to think of it . I would rather be called Lucy , seems more me :) . I was born 2/25/92 making me 16 years young . My favorite color is purple (royalty) . I love dancing . singing . writing . food . reading . laughing . joking . smiling . life . friends . family . getting to know others . making new friends . and being myself . The reason I blog is the things that I happen to encounter in life make me feel like I need to let others know about it . Either to impact and change someone elses life or to maybe motivate others . I believe that I can change the world (most likely not the only one who feels this way) but hey I am going to try to do so anyways . I currently live with my mother , older sister , her 2 sons , her daughter , older brother , baby sister , and our 4 dogs . So I encounter plenty of 'family' time . It makes me laugh that people assume that I have so many family members in my house because I am mexican , they have even asked me if we all pile up in a small car (which I find funny and I laugh at the sterotype) . I can just picture what goes through a mind , as if they are sitting enjoying a circus as all these clowns apear from the smallest car ever ! I am proud to say my family owns 2 mini vans :D .

I like to use my humor to explain many things and I am not afraid to speak my mind . I with hold so many flaws , which is perfectly fine because it sets me different from others . I think most of people go wrong when they constantly pointing out flaws in themselves . I know thats were I went wrong . I dislike when others shove my age down my throat . Yes I am young , but I feel so OLD ! How funny , huh ?? That a girl as young as 16 can actually have morals and wisedom ?? If I could have been born in 1920 or The Elizabethean Era , I would have sadly I had no control over that . When I graduate from college I want to major in journalism and minor in dance . I am a carefree spirit and a loving person . I hope I can meet many people like me . Who love to express how they feel , and not afraid of people who are different . I am Lucy perfectly imperfect .